She is in my trunk
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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