Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
