Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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