ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
