Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
