I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
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The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
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I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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