I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
