Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
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You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
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Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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