I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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