dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
