it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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