This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
and she was petting her beer can
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
