My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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