8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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