well you can't waste a boner
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
