Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
