we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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