I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
