she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
