he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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