I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
