On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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