Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
