i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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