Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
