Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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