Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
