I'm jealous of your bromance
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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