can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
