at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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