you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Found your dick twin last night
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
