Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
