She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
