i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
