I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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