i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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