I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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