i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
