Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
