I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
