she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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