Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Hippo gnu deer
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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