I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
