I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
