I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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