Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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