I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
