if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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