between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
