Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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