my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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