i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize