Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
