he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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