You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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