I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
