Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
