I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
