A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
