some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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