I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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