The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
