Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
