Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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