I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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