I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
