Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
