turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
